InsaneJournal

Current mood:	screw the world
Current music:	Ian Brown - "Set My Baby Free"

Oh Just Shoot Me!
Why is my dad so obsessed with shooting poor innocent little animals? He keeps shooting these harmless defenseless little animals and they haven’t done a thing to him! Just because a little puppy comes to our house and he doesn’t want it doesn’t give him any reason to shoot it! It doesn’t! It’s senseless. Just because he doesn’t want it doesn’t mean that no one else wants it either. What is with you dad!? How can you shoot something as sweet and innocent as a puppy? It hasn’t hurt you or anyone else so why - shoot it? It is so stupid to just shoot an animal just cause you don’t want it around. Find someone that wants a puppy or something for god’s sake! Just give the poor puppy a chance! You are such a freaking animal abuser! You shot my dog! I was just a little girl and it was the only dog that I had ever had that hadn’t died two weeks after we got it. And you just shot it cause it followed you around. It’s a dog! It was just a dog! You shot my dog! I hate you for that and I always will. I will never forgive you for that because you don’t deserve forgiveness. You don’t deserve forgiveness anymore than that dog deserved to be shot. And you got Uncle Ken to shoot my cat! My sweet little cat! You shot her just cause she was stupid! What kind of an excuse is that huh? I’m not that smart so why don’t you just shoot me? Go ahead and shoot me see if I care. Wouldn’t surprise one bit if you did. Your just a stupid farmer with no heart that loves to shoot innocent sweet little puppy dogs and other animals. And you sure seem to like doing it even better when they are mine. As long as it isn’t your animal it is obviously okay to just shoot away. Do you have any idea how much you hurt me? You know you could have at least had the decency to tell me that I couldn’t have the animal anymore and tried to find someone that would want it. But no you didn’t even consult me. It’s almost like I don’t even exist to you people. It’s like I’m your little experiment to see just how much a person can take before they snap and kill themselves. Well I’ll tell yah… I’ve almost gotten to that point. I’ve almost killed myself so many times. But you wouldn’t know that of course because I was always afraid that if I told you that you’d just go ahead and kill me so that I wouldn’t have to do it. And the only reason I didn’t kill myself is because I knew that if I did that then you would just get off easy and you wouldn’t have to put up with my crap anymore. And I also just didn’t feel like dying cause if I did that then that would mean that you would have won. You would have beaten me down and you would have had control over me. I knew I couldn’t let that happen. I wouldn’t let you do that to me.I hope to god that I’m not like you when I become a parent. I am going to try my hardest to not become you. Both of you are the epitome of everything that I hate. You are the embodiment of everything that I don’t want to become. And I am going to make sure that when I have children I am going to always think of them and how they feel before myself. And I know right now that it isn’t going to be easy but hey at least I am going to try harder than you people ever did. I’m not going to just ignore my children and make them feel like every bad thing that happens is their fault. And I am sure as hell not going to senselessly murder their pets!! I’ll make damn sure that that never happens. I’m going to be so much better than you. You just watch. You may not be proud of me but that’s just fine with me because I don’t want you to be proud of me anymore. Because I realize now that there is no way that I will ever be able to make either of you happy. You two want a perfect little girl but that’s not what I am. I don’t want to be perfect anymore. I’m just fine the way that I am right now. I have no idea what your idea of perfect is but I’m almost positive that I don’t want to be it. No, I am positive that I don’t want to be it. You both are such ass holes! I never get respect. You never listen to me so you never give me a fair trial. And you don’t care if I’m happy or not. Just as long as I pretend and smile, then everything is just peachy to you people. And you know what kills me is that you don’t have any respect for my feelings. You don’t care how much the things you do hurt me. And you are both so narcissistic that I don’t even think that you know that it does hurt me. You both get so wrapped up in yourselves that it seems like I just cease to exist. It’s honestly like I’m not even here. Good grief can’t this family just have one day where no body is mad at anybody and the pain and the screaming and the crying isn't around here for just one day? You have no idea how many nights I lay crying silently in my bed so I can get to sleep and get to that place in my dreams where I’m safe and I don’t feel so alone. Ever since we moved you both have gotten so mean. It’s like life is all about you 110% of the time. Not like it wasn’t like that before we moved but it’s just gotten worse. And of course if you were reading this right now you probably would be disagreeing with everything that I have said and would probably just start thinking that it’s me with the problem and I’m the one that’s conceded and self-centered and everything is, of course, my fault. Just like everything has apparently been my fault since the day I was born… No probably more like, since the day I was conceived. Because I’m pretty sure that you think that I was the cause of all your problems since before I was even born. It has gotten to the point where I am afraid to come out of my room for fear that you will blame something that hasn’t even happened yet on me. I am even afraid to move around in my room because I think that somehow my moving will trigger something and then something else will happen and it will some how miraculously be my fault. Oh how I wish you could read this. Then maybe you might understand just a little but about how I feel but for some reason I believe that it wouldn’t help anything it would probably just make things worse. At times I just wish that you would just go ahead and blow up and lose your temper and hit me or punch me or something and then I could file child abuse charges against you and get taken to a foster family. But that probably wouldn’t work out that well either cause then I’d probably be stuck with going to live with one of my screwed up Mennonite relatives. And that would of course be worse than living here with you people. Heh… its kind of funny to think that something could be worse than living here. Cause in order for that to happen that would mean that something out there had to be as close to a living hell as you could get. Because that is basically what living here is like. It is basically a living hell. So thanks mom and dad. Thank you for both caring so much about me! I love you both so much it just makes me wanna scream. Go to hell both of you
~ Elizabeth

Statistics show that 10,000 people are killed by liquor where only one is killed by a mad dog; yet we shoot the dog and license liquor. What sense is there to this?